Digital Wisdom – Helping Grandkids Discern Helpful vs. Harmful

Written by Dr. Joannie DeBrito, Family Support Specialist

In a two-part series this month, we will discuss how grandparents can help grandchildren find a healthy approach to technology and improve their in-person social skills.

Today, we’ll look at how to share the good and bad of technology and the importance of limiting time on devices so your grandkids can personally interact with you and others.

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Grandparents, you are in a unique position to help your grandchildren understand the positive and negative effects of technology. The virtual world probably started fairly early in your children’s lives, but you likely lived a fair amount of time before all of these electronic devices invaded your life.

You know how the digital world has improved our lives and how it has made our lives more complicated, stressful, and confusing. You can compare then and now and recognize the need for the importance of face-to-face connections that used to be the standard in human relationships.

Grandparents, you have the “superpower” of your life experience, to help your grandchildren become wise consumers of technology and learn the value of having a close personal relationship with you and others. Here are six ways to do that.

1. Be a good role model.

When you’re around your grandchildren, limit your time on your phone to short periods to check on something and then get off quickly so you’re available to them.

Let your grandchildren see and hear that you’re setting limits. Say things like, “I just need to check on the directions to the show, and then I’ll get off. Spending time with you is more important to me than being on my phone.”

2. Put scary news in perspective.

When younger family members express worry and fear because they are being bombarded by images of scary things going on in the world, remind them that scary things have been going on since the beginning of time.

Some things have gotten worse, and many things have gotten better. Share an example of both from your life. Teach grandchildren that it is good to pay attention to the news of the world but to limit their time spent consuming news in any format and to get off screens when they start to worry.

Encourage them to talk to you if they are afraid so they learn the value of a trusted personal relationship when information overload is causing them to be afraid or maybe even depressed.

3. Comment directly and quickly about distractions.

There are some great educational resources online, but if you notice that your grandchildren’s attention is often on their devices, you can say something like, “Hey, I know you want to watch that video, but I just want to talk to you for a few minutes and it’s really distracting when you’re watching online while we’re talking. I really want to be able to hear you. Can you put it down while we talk?”

Kids learn quickly that we give our attention to the things that are most important to us. If we want our grandchildren to value relationships with God, us, and others more than their devices, we have to find ways to tell them that they are more valuable than devices too.

4. Set aside time to share stories from your life and emphasize some things about the world that made the “Good Old Days” really good.

Recently, I took my grandchildren to lunch and we all noticed a family sitting nearby, all on their phones, not talking to each other. I commented that it made me sad to see that and that was one thing that was better when I grew up with no phones at the dinner table. My granddaughter then asked me what I enjoyed talking about with my grandparents. I told them that I loved what they taught me about life.

It made me think of Deuteronomy 4:9 which says:

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.”

My grandparents did that so well. We talked at lunch for over an hour, and I think we all enjoyed the discussion and definitely learned more about each other.

5. Give them reasons to put their devices down.

Kids are often on devices simply because they don’t have other options, but when provided with fun things to do, they will gladly toss their devices to the side.

Play board games, walk, run, play soccer, have a water balloon fight, make chalk drawings, build something. Engage their brains and get them up and moving. Teach them games you played when you were a kid. They’ll think you’re really cool when you suggest an idea that is very different from what they’re used to.

If your grandchildren have fun with you, they learn the value of being active with other people, rather than being isolated alone with a device.

6. Play detective with them when they are online.

Let your older grandchildren show you some of the things they are looking at online and wondering about. Ask them questions to get them thinking about the logic of certain perspectives and whether they appear to be opinions or facts. Help them search for clues that an image or recording might be true or AI.

Then talk about how the internet can be a good or bad source of information. Share how human beings tend to be better at discerning a skewed point of view from a biased point of view or truth from a lie when they are in the presence of others. Help them see that the virtual world is not a substitute for the real one.

In the second part of this series, we’ll discuss how to help grandchildren develop face-to-face social skills for building strong relationships.