By Arlene Pellicane, Speaker, Author and Host of the Happy Home Podcast
Why Screen Time Needs Boundaries
The Bicycle Helmet Lesson
Years ago, my husband James was at the park when he saw a dad with his two kids riding bicycles down the street without helmets. They were similar in age to our kids, so James struck up a conversation with the dad asking, “Why don’t your kids wear bicycle helmets?”
“Oh,” he said with a sigh. “I can’t get my kids to wear them. They refuse to ride their bikes if they have to put on helmets.”
James was dumbfounded. We are huge fans of bicycle safety for a very personal reason. When our son Ethan was riding his bike home from school in second grade, he didn’t stop at a neighborhood stop sign. As he made a wide right hand turn, he hit an oncoming car. That was probably the scariest moment of James’ life as he turned that same corner on his bike to see Ethan lying in the road. The ambulance came to take Ethan to the children’s hospital. His bike was ruined; his helmet dented, but Ethan emerged that evening from the hospital with only a few bruises.
The outcome of that day would have been tragic if Ethan had not been wearing a helmet. James shared this story with that dad in the park, hoping it would motivate him to make his children wear bike helmets. Sadly he saw them a few weeks later in the park, riding bikes…without helmets.
Why Digital Safety Matters
Like riding a bicycle without a helmet, most kids are using phones and tablets without protection. They are scrolling through YouTube, playing video games and even interacting with strangers. As grandparents, you may want to warn your adult children about online dangers, but at the same time, you don’t want to overstep your bounds. Unfortunately, we live in a parenting culture where it is increasingly common for children to call the shots instead of the parents. Somehow adults have given into little whiny girls and angry young boys who aren’t getting their way. Modern day parenting has catered to many a child’s whim. Many parents don’t have the wherewithal to deal with tantrums, tears, and screen time battles.
Rod, father of two daughters ages 7 and 9, walked into his living room. His girls were curled up on the couch; one was texting on a phone and the other was playing a video game. The TV was turned on to a sitcom geared for pre-teens. Neither girl seemed to be watching, so Rod switched the channel to ESPN. The girls both looked up and protested, “Hey we were watching that!”
Later that day, Rod posted this comment on social media, “My kids seem to think that if they are sitting in front of the TV that they still have rights to the TV even if they are not watching. In my world, they are not really watching TV. They are on their computer and phone. Am I wrong here?” Rod may be taking an informal parenting poll, but regardless of popular opinion, parents should have the authority to decide what is being watched and by whom. But without clear leadership, today’s child feels entitled to choose whatever pleases him or her.
Grandparents Still Have Great Influence
You Don’t Have to Be a Technology Expert
We live in a brand new era where children are digital natives and grandparents are digital immigrants. In other words, your grandchildren know a lot more about technology than you! But that doesn’t mean you don’t have something to teach them about screen time. You can teach your grandchild how real life works–showing them there’s more to life than screens. Grandparents are needed more than ever to provide instruction, correction and positive modeling rooted in God’s Word to a child.
Don’t give up your influence as a grandparent just because you don’t understand the latest app or website. If you have teenagers, ask about what apps they are using and what they like and don’t like about them. Remind your grandchildren that you are human and you care about them, unlike an AI companion that is a machine incapable of caring or feeling.
Your Example Matters More Than Your Expertise
Screen entertainment often goes against the morals we are trying to instill in our children. We can’t be responsible for what others do or create; we are responsible for our family. Whenever your grandchild is at your house, you have the freedom and the right to decide what you will allow your grandchildren to watch.
Teaching Wise Media Choices
If you’ve ever watched something like the Super Bowl with young children by your side, you’ve probably been embarrassed or appalled by the sexuality in the commercials and music at half time. If we’re not careful, our grandchildren will be exposed to adult content and vulgarity way too early. You can prevent moral decay in your grandchild by helping him make wise media choices. Pray for your adult kids to evaluate what your grandkids are watching and the music they are listening to. Talk about a program after you watch it together and what values are being promoted. Invite your grandchild to watch shows you enjoy.
The ABC Test
When you’re wondering if a program is okay for your grandchild, you can evaluate it using these easy ABC’s:
- Attitude: What is my grandchild’s attitude like after the screen time?
- Behavior: How does the content encourage my grandchild to behave?
- Character: What character traits are being modeled and picked up?
Take a moment right now to evaluate your grandchild’s current digital habits. How is screen time affecting your grandchild’s attitude? His behavior? His character? Are you pleased or concerned with the content and amount of screen time your grandchild has each day? How can you be a positive influence regarding screens when you are together or when you are talking on the phone?
Creating Digital Free Zones
When your grandkids visit you, how easy is it to access a screen? Maybe you want to read books or bake in the kitchen together, but the kids go straight for the television or tablet instead. If screens are easy to access, your grandkids will find them. Perhaps you have heard the phrase environment is stronger than willpower. That’s true when it comes to eating (it’s hard to have willpower in a bakery) and it’s also true when it comes to screen time. If you instruct your grandchild that she can only watch a 30 minute program, but the tablet is laying around all day, you’ve got a screen battle coming.
Make Your Home Different
You can help your grandchild develop self-control by hiding tablets, placing phones out of reach, and even covering desktop computers and flat-screen TVs with towels, sheets, or blankets. Have fun with this and uncover the TV with great fanfare when it’s time to watch a family show together. If your grandkids are older and think this is childish and absurd, that’s okay. The point is you want to create some kind of visual barrier between your grandchild and the screen, reminding them that screens are not the focal point when you are together. This can be a new habit introduced during your next visit.
Here are other ideas to make your home a haven for your grandkids:
- No phones or screens allowed during mealtimes. Family meal time is a powerful time to regularly connect emotionally with your grandchild. Don’t allow digital distractions like answering a text or watching a television show in the background rob your family of this quality time.
- Car rides are for conversation, not for ear buds, movies or video games. How many times have you seen parents in the front seat of a car and children in the backseat either watching a screen or using ear buds? The commute is a gift – time alone with your grandchild in a busy world – don’t waste it by letting your grandkids zone out with their devices. Boys will more likely open up to you when side by side (versus face to face). As you sit in the car together, you can share the love of God with your grandkids.
- Plan non-screen activities. Maybe it feels like an insurmountable challenge to yank the screen from your grandchild’s hands. You can start with one healthy non-screen activity during a visit such as play time, reading time, homework time, conversation time, or physical activity. You can leave chalk out for sidewalk art, have balls ready in the backyard, and keep board games and puzzles on the table.
A Home That Leaves an Eternal Legacy
Screens are embedded in too many families, robbing us from meaningful connection and healthy child development. Your home can be a positive influence, giving your grandchild memories not with screens, but with you. There is a spiritual battle for your grandchild’s attention and affection. Pray before your visits and take authority over your home in Jesus’ name. Your home can make an eternal difference in the heart of your grandchild in this screen-saturated world.
