By Joannie DeBrito, Family Support Specialist
Why Grandparents Matter in a Digital World
As a child of the 1960s, I clearly remember conversations with my grandparents about the modern technology of the time. My grandfather would lament that once the space program got us to the moon, it would be the end of life as we knew it on Earth. My grandmother would then respond kindly but firmly, “Every great advancement begins with a big idea and change equals growth.” If my grandparents were alive today, I suspect that Grampy would be huddled in a corner somewhere clutching a great 19th century novel while Grammy would be posting family pictures on Facebook and finding recipes on Pinterest.
It’s up to adults alive at any given point in time to figure out how to use the latest gizmos to our benefit, to minimize their risks and to pass that wisdom on to our children and grandchildren. In this blog, I will discuss the positive and negative effects of screen time and present somestrategies for helping children and grandchildren develop healthy screen habits and reduce or avoid unhealthy screen time behaviors.
Two Biblical Commandments for Navigating Technology
Let’s begin by reminding ourselves of two commandments, one from God the Father and one from Jesus. The first is found at the beginning of the Ten Commandments:
“You shall have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:2 (NIV)
The second, found in part of Matthew 22:39 says: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (NIV)
Both of these are short and direct commandments, but they serve as powerful reminders of how we should live our lives from day to day. If we keep them in mind, it’s fairly easy to see when technology can be helpful and when it can become destructive. “Senior”ity comes with some inconveniences like the pains of aging and sometimes feeling a bit off balance but it also comes with the advantages of “the wisdom of the aged” and more balanced perspectives. As grandparents, we know the dangers of putting other people or things before God and we also know how damaging it is to us and others when we fail to love those around us.
When Screens Become Modern Day Idols
There is no question that many people, young and old, have made their screens a god in their lives. Nowadays, many people spend more time on their screens than with their loved ones and believe whatever their screen is telling them, regardless of the source. The Truth is replaced by the “truth” as presented by tv stars, recording artists, podcasters, online influencers and postings on social media sites. As Christian grandparents, we have an obligation to resist allowing our screens to become our gods. We need to challenge our children and grandchildren when it appears as if the practices of prayer, worship, reading the Bible and serving God have been taken over by seeking guidance from online gurus, idolizing a perceived perfect candidate, reading hateful rhetoric and/or serving their own needs for attention via posting endless so-called “selfies.” A relationship with our God offers peace, comfort, forgiveness, grace and the promise of eternal life while screen gods are lifeless idols that rob people of time and contribute to rising rates of anxiety, depression and poor physical health.
The Spiritual Dangers of Excessive Screen Time
A large percentage of what is found on those screens also contributes significantly to man’s inhumanity to man by encouraging hatred of others because of their political, religious or social perspectives on the most critical issues in our world. It’s a lot easier to spew insults and harass people online when we can be anonymous and avoid having to see the reaction of the person or people we are disparaging. We learn compassion and empathy for others- in other words, HOW to love our neighbors as ourselves- when we observe their reactions to us (good or bad). This helps us build strong relationships with them or realize that we need to apologize and ask forgiveness for a way we spoke to or about them or behaved around them. It’s easy to rant and rave about a neighbor in cyberspace but extremely difficult when the person is standing in front of you with tears in his or her eyes, looking embarrassed, ashamed or distressed because of unkind comments you made about him or her. Loving our neighbors like ourselves doesn’t happen via words on a screen. It occurs when people are physically together or at the very least, able to see and talk with one another on screen.
Social Media, Dopamine, and Emotional Health
I’ve had countless conversations with (mostly young) people about their time on social media sites and have gently asked, “How do you feel about yourself when you spend so much time online.” I’ve been surprised to hear every one of them respond by saying something like, “You know, I notice that I feel good while online and much worse about myself once I get offline.” This is no surprise as the effects of too much screen time on social media, gaming, gambling or viewing pornography tends to have the very same effects as consuming alcohol and other drugs. While drinking and drugging cause a surge of dopamine (a neurotransmitter often called the “feel good hormone”) in the brain that causes feelings of pleasure, engaging in repetitive online behaviors also results in a release of dopamine. Yet, that temporary feeling once gone, is often followed with a feeling of depression just like the high felt during or shortly after consuming alcohol or other drugs is followed later by sadness and despair.
The Power of Face-to-Face Relationships
Grandparents, I encourage you to impress upon your children and grandchildren that only one God can provide the love we all crave and that the intimate relationships we all want to have with others rarely get built and maintained via one-dimensional online conversations but rather, via face-to-face interactions. If your children and grandchildren live far away from you, try to connect with them regularly on a video call and visit them regularly in person, if possible. Being in the same location is ideal but obviously not possible for many grandparents so a video chat is the next best thing.
Setting Healthy Boundaries Around Screens
When screens are used to benefit people in some ways, they can be excellent tools. Some examples of good uses of screens are to help us become more informed, gain access to needed resources quickly, share research and data that may lead to medical and scientific advances, warn people of coming emergencies, break down barriers to necessary communication, provide disability assistance, quickly translate languages and entertain us occasionally.
Where Devices Should Be Used
On the other hand, screens may become tyrants when they become impediments to our physical, social, emotional and/or spiritual health. Grandparents, you can encourage positive outcomes of screen time for yourselves, your children and your grandchildren by working closely with your children to establish some family guidelines for screen time. Talk about the “where”, “when” and “what” of various devices. I suggest that screens be used in shared areas in your home where you can monitor what is being seen on your grandchildren’s screens rather than in their bedrooms, bathrooms or other private areas.
When Screens Should Be Turned Off
Devices should be used for short periods of time and there should be some off-limit times such as while eating meals together and once grandchildren go to bed. So many children are sleep deprived these days because they take their phones to bed with them.
What Content Is Appropriate for Grandchildren
Define which social media platforms and web environments are appropriate for each grandchild’s age and level of maturity.
Partnering With Parents to Guide Digital Discipleship
The goal of Legacy Coalition is to equip grandparents to intentionally disciple their grandchildren. In regard to the impact of screens on grandchildren, that is most likely to occur when grandparents work with their children to identify applications, sites and platforms that:
- support and reinforce Christian principles and values
- tend to promote evidence-based, accurate information
- encourage creative thought
- encourage discernment and good decision-making skills
- provide new learning activities
- encourage focus, concentration and enhanced memory
- provide balanced perspectives on opposing views
- contain age-appropriate information
- do not contain graphic and disturbing images
Understanding the Health Risks of Too Much Screen Time
Sleep Disruption and Mental Health Concerns
It’s hard to think of any positive health effects of excessive screen time. However, there are many negative effects.Natural sleep patterns are disrupted because the blue light that comes from devices interferes with the release of the sleep hormone known as melatonin. Also, late night exposure to the lights, colors and sounds onscreen keep the brain aroused, making it harder to fall asleep or stay asleep long enough to get into the deep REM part of sleep.
The risk of developing anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts and actions increases as people are exposed to traumatic images online, compare themselves unfavorably to their peers and others online and may experience online bullying. Furthermore, time spent online keeps people from experiencing anxiety and depression reducing activities of getting physical exercise and getting daily doses of sunshine. Screen time inhibits breathing fresh air and enjoying the pleasures of being a part of the natural world that God created.
Physical Health Consequences
Eye fatigue may occur as long hours are spent viewing rapidly changing images or one image for an extended period and bone and muscle pain may become a problem due to poor posture while sitting for many hours. Obesity is on the rise, particularly among children and teens because they are not engaging in sufficient amounts of physical activity and often snack often while online.
The Growing Concern of “Brain Rot”
If all those negative health effects don’t concern you, this last one should. Neuroscientists have coined a new term called “brain rot” which defines the cognitive fatigue and mental decline caused by reduced gray matter and thinning of the cerebral cortex in the brain when these areas are overstimulated. The result is reductions in memory, more difficulty achieving emotional regulation and poor decision-making skills. Basically, the adage, “If you don’t use it, you lose it” applies here. When we let devices- and now the emerging technology known as AI- do the thinking for us, our brains don’t have to work and they begin to atrophy, just like a muscle that is no longer used.
Keeping Communication Open as Technology Changes
Because the technology behind all our screens changes rapidly, we need to be aware of the need to change family guidelines as technology changes. Therefore, keep talking with your children about any adjustments that need to be made so the screen time rules are the same at your house as at your child’s house. We’re all learning to adjust to a new frontier of sorts so as grandparents, we need to stay informed about the latest advances in devices with screens. I talk with my daughter and son-in-law regularly about their newest family rules around screen time because new temptations seem to arise on a very regular basis so there are new issues to consider.
Final Thoughts: Helping Grandchildren Thrive Beyond the Screen
Honestly, there are few things that I feel more passionate about in discipling my grandchildren than helping them develop discipline around the use of screens in their lives because I have seen so many children and adults sucked into the online world in ways that have caused significant damage to them and their loved ones. It’s a seductive world that offers instant gratification for our greatest temptations and our deepest desires, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. It also tends to draw them away from God and toward unhealthy influencers in their lives.
The message is clear here, grandparents. We need to set the example of being active and engaging in the real, physical world and help our children and grandchildren do the same. Summer is a great time to get out and do some things together.
Frequently Asked Questions About Grandparents, Screens, and Grandchildren
How can grandparents help grandchildren develop healthy screen habits?
Grandparents can influence healthy screen habits by modeling balanced technology use, encouraging outdoor activities and face-to-face conversations, supporting family screen-time rules, and discussing both the benefits and risks of digital devices. Consistent communication and positive examples often have a lasting impact on grandchildren.
What does the Bible say about screen time and technology?
The Bible does not specifically mention screens or technology, but it provides principles that apply to their use. Exodus 20:3 reminds believers to have no other gods before God, while Matthew 22:39 instructs us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Technology becomes unhealthy when it distracts us from our relationship with God or harms our relationships with others.
Why is excessive screen time harmful for children and teenagers?
Too much screen time has been linked to sleep disruption, anxiety, depression, reduced physical activity, eye strain, poor posture, and difficulty concentrating. Excessive use of social media, gaming, or other online activities can also affect emotional well-being and make it harder for children to build healthy in-person relationships.
How can grandparents support parents in setting screen-time boundaries?
Grandparents can work alongside parents to establish consistent expectations regarding where, when, and how devices are used. By honoring parental guidelines and maintaining similar standards in their own homes, grandparents help create stability and reinforce healthy habits.
What are some healthy alternatives to screen time?
Healthy alternatives include reading books, playing board games, participating in sports, enjoying outdoor adventures, engaging in creative hobbies, serving others, attending church activities, and spending time in meaningful conversations. These activities help strengthen family bonds while promoting emotional, physical, and spiritual growth.
Can technology be used in positive ways for grandchildren?
Yes. Technology can provide educational opportunities, facilitate communication with distant family members, support learning, encourage creativity, and offer access to valuable Christian resources. The key is using technology intentionally and in moderation rather than allowing it to dominate daily life.
How can grandparents stay connected with grandchildren who live far away?
Video calls, text messages, shared online photo albums, virtual story times, and regular phone conversations can help maintain meaningful relationships across long distances. While in-person visits remain ideal, technology can be a valuable tool for nurturing family connections when used thoughtfully.
What is digital discipleship?
Digital discipleship is the intentional process of helping children and grandchildren apply biblical truth to their online lives. It includes teaching discernment, encouraging wise media choices, discussing online influences, and helping young people honor God through their use of technology.
How can grandparents model healthy technology use?
Grandparents can demonstrate healthy habits by limiting their own screen time, prioritizing family relationships, engaging in regular prayer and Bible study, and showing that screens are tools—not masters. Children and grandchildren often learn more from what they observe than from what they are told.
What is the most important thing grandparents can do regarding screen time?
The most important thing grandparents can do is cultivate strong relationships with their grandchildren. A loving, trusting relationship creates opportunities to influence grandchildren’s choices, share biblical wisdom, and help them navigate technology in ways that strengthen rather than weaken their faith and character.
How can Christian grandparents influence grandchildren in a digital age?
Christian grandparents can influence grandchildren in a digital age by combining biblical truth with relational investment. Through prayer, intentional conversations, positive examples, and active involvement in their grandchildren’s lives, grandparents can help the next generation develop wisdom, discernment, and a Christ-centered approach to technology.
