Question:
My grandkids are all involved in sports, and for two out of four of them, there seem to be more negative effects than positive ones. Their family is rarely together because kids are off in many directions for practices, they seem tired most of the time, they lose most of their events, and are beginning to call themselves “losers”. How can I, as a grandparent, help?
Response:
Ah yes, this happens throughout the year when kids are getting signed up for a variety of sports. In my opinion, we have become a bit too obsessed with sports in our American culture, resulting in some kids being forced into activities that they don’t like and for which they possess no talent.
Parents recognize that participation in sports can have many advantages for kids such as learning teamwork skills, developing disciplines to practice and work hard, providing opportunities for physical fitness, learning how to appropriately respond to wins and losses, and learning how to cope with disappointment.
I encourage parents to expose their children to participate in sports and other non-athletic activities during elementary school in order to help their kids figure out where they want to engage in extracurricular activities.
Some kids will naturally drift toward being involved in sports and some kids won’t. For those who aren’t particularly interested in athletics, playing in a band or orchestra, being a part of a drama club, or taking a spot on a debate team can provide many of the same advantages as involvement in sports.
God gifted each one of us differently and it is important to honor those gifts by developing them.
As a grandparent, you can help by reporting your observations to your children and asking if they have thought about other activities that might be a better choice for your two grandchildren who don’t appear to be positively impacted by participating in sports.
You might be able to help by investigating other opportunities at their schools or in their communities that will help them develop their gifts and also learn the many good lessons that we all learn from competition in any area of life.
Talk with your grandchildren to learn what excites them, what tends to bring out their joy, and what they are most enthusiastic about. Let your children know what you have heard from your grandchildren and encourage them to give another activity a try for a while.
This suggestion works best when done in a few steps, over time. I use this strategy once in a while with my family. I will mention the observation to my daughter or son-in-law and ask the question and see if anything changes. If not, and if I still see that my grandkids are struggling a bit, I will have a conversation with them to gather more information and provide it to my daughter and son-in-law. Later, if no action has been taken, I might make a suggestion.
The trick here is not to be the overbearing grandparent, using this strategy often. I can only think of one time I did this in the last year and it only got to the point of me passing off the information I had learned from my granddaughter in order for my daughter and son-in-law to decide to take some action.
The point here is to be helpful, not intrusive, and respectful.
