We have a situation in our family where the other set of grandparents is jealous of us. They live nearby our son and his family whereas we live 4 hours away. When we come for a visit, I feel we have to sneak in. If they know we are around, they make it very difficult for our son and daughter-in-law. We all got along well…until the first grandchild was born. What can we do?
I am sorry to hear about this. To begin with, it sounds as if it would be helpful for you to discuss your concerns with your son and daughter-in-law. It is their job to set some limits with the other grandparents and to let you know what their expectations are of you, as you interact with their family.
As a general rule, I always encourage grandparents who are blessed to live near their grandchildren to defer to grandparents who do not live nearby, when they come to visit. Since grandparents who live far away do not have regular opportunities to interact personally with their grandchildren, they need to have as much time as possible to do so when they are with their child’s family.
It is reasonable to expect that you would be able to visit your son and his family, not feel uncomfortable in your son’s home, and feel free to interact with your grandchildren, assuming that conforms to the parent’s wishes.