Blessings in Disguise

Written by Dr. Joannie DeBrito, Family Support Specialist

This month’s theme, “Bless All,” sounds so soft and cozy, doesn’t it? Who can argue with the power of blessing our grandchildren by recognizing their gifts, speaking a blessing over them, and pointing out the things we admire about them that are clearly evidence of God’s hand in their lives?

I encourage you to be generous with your blessings (especially with your grandchildren) in these uplifting and encouraging ways as often as you can. Make them a habit.

Focus on Hidden Blessings

At the same time, I’d like to challenge you to consider that there are many experiences we wouldn’t naturally refer to as a blessing that may become the greatest blessings in our lives.

This is what I think about when I read the words, “Bless All.” Could it be more than blessing all the people around us and include blessing all the experiences, good or bad? Maybe they humble us, lead us to pray more, or make us more dependent on an omnipotent Holy Father, a compassionate and loving Son, and a wise and discerning Holy Spirit.

Think about it. How often has the tragedy of one year become the blessing of the next year? How many times have you learned that a prayer you previously prayed for a long time that did not come true kept you from experiencing loss or pain in your life? Have you ever recognized that a painful lesson you learned in life led you to a better understanding of yourself or that a lack of resources made you more dependent on God and others?

Examples

My grandmother was a master at offering many words of encouragement and frequent blessings, but she was also very adept at helping me see blessings in disguise. I imagine my own children have sometimes grown frustrated when I have mentioned that a current source of pain could have a so-called “silver lining.”

I remember when, for the first time in years of competing in a local music contest, I didn’t get the highest possible score. Honestly, I did poorly. My grandmother responded to this news in two ways. First, she reminded me that I had been blessed with skills in music and expressed her gratitude for being able to teach me how to play the piano. Then she planted an idea for a way that this failure could be a blessing in the future. She asked me how I felt, and I told her that I felt pretty lousy and as if I had let her down. That was true. I had committed to practicing hard, and I had lagged behind. To that, she said words that I have often repeated to my own children and grandchildren. “Ok. Well, you can continue to stay feeling that way or do something different so you won’t have to feel this way again.” What an amazing blessing those words of wisdom were to me!

To be sure, it’s important not to discount a person’s sadness or disappointment by trying to put a positive spin on a real-world problem. However, the opposite is true as well. It’s important that we, as grandparents, recognize that something that appears to be unworthy of a blessing may actually be deserving of an abundance of gratitude at that time or in the future.

Perhaps the best example of a tragedy that resulted in the greatest blessing for all humankind is the death of Jesus Christ on the cross. The descriptions of torture and His suffering are difficult to read and even more disturbing to imagine. Yet, his atonement for all our sins, resurrection, ascension, and the resultant coming of the Holy Spirit as our ever-present guide, provide knowledge and confident hope for a coming world without pain of any kind. We have the opportunity to worship God now and forever – a wonderful blessing!

Remember, we must bless our grandchildren with age-appropriateness in mind. It’s helpful if blessings progress from showing to telling to discerning.

1. Showing

We can bless our grandchildren long before they are able to understand our words by recognizing their needs and meeting them. Now, you might be thinking about the basic needs of an infant (food, water, shelter, protection, soothing), but I challenge you to go beyond those needs.

Consider what that baby is going to need as he or she develops in an ever-changing world. What are the current struggles of young children, and what might that sweet baby need to be prepared for in a few years? In the present day, we know that more children are showing signs of anxiety at a very young age. Often, this is linked to families constantly on the move, exposure to frightening images seen on parents’ and older siblings’ devices, and a lack of bonding with parents due to their need to work more in order to make ends meet.

You can bless your youngest grandkids by exposing them to a quiet, stress-free environment. Additionally, try patting them to calm them as well as turning off all devices while you talk with them, sing to them, rock them, and snuggle with them. Pray over them and let them feel peace and safety with you.

As children grow beyond toddlers, they are better able to talk and listen. They develop from understanding only short, concrete statements to understanding more complex, abstract discussions. Here’s where you begin telling.

2. Telling

Tell them how blessed you feel to be their grandparents. Tell them how you see God has blessed them. Tell them about their God-given gifts, talents, and skills. Read to them stories from the Bible that demonstrate how their gifts can be used. Talk with them if they are troubled after they have been exposed to some human suffering on a service project, a mission trip, or just by spending some time with another family.

Pray with them, asking for God’s blessings over those who they saw suffering, and thank God for the blessing of protecting your grandchildren from suffering in the way they have witnessed. Write down or say blessings over them. 

Children who are heading toward pre-adolescence and/or in the stages of early, middle, or late adolescence (those amazing teenagers!) become progressively more able to be thoughtful about how their experiences in the present may impact their future. This is where our age and wisdom can be used to help our grandchildren by being discerning. 

3. Discerning

When they talk about hurts in their lives that they have no responsibility for, share times in your life when you had a similar hurt and later realized that the loss was a catalyst for a blessing in your life. If they are confessing a mistake and feeling shame and guilt, encourage them to confess it to God to receive the blessing of God’s forgiveness. Then ask them what changes they might want to make so they don’t make the same mistake again.

When hearing them lament about unanswered prayer, especially when it appears to them that God always seems to answer the prayers of their peers or siblings, remind them that God hears all prayers. However, we have no control over how or when he answers. Then talk about the ways that God may be answering the prayers in ways that they don’t recognize or that God may not answer prayers to protect them or guide them toward something better.

The goal in sharing our discernment is to teach our grandchildren how to be more discerning about blessings in disguise as they finish their teen years and launch into becoming young adults.

The following idea requires sensitivity to timing. It can feel very disconcerting when people use Bible verses or passages as quick fixes for deep hurt, or confusing when a grandchild has not yet learned the ability to be honest with himself. Therefore, this is an idea that is best to use for those grandkids who can be introspective about their strengths and weaknesses. When there has been enough time for your grandkid to talk, feel heard, and process what you have said about unanswered prayer, you might direct them to read the book of Job or the story of others in the Bible who prayed fervently. Some received blessings in the end, and some didn’t.

The apostle Paul, perhaps the greatest evangelist of Jesus’ time, addressed his unanswered prayer and the blessing that resulted in 2 Corinthians 2:7-10:

“⁷ So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,^[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (ESV)

Paul’s words are especially important today for those emerging adult grandkids who have the maturity to see their weaknesses as strengths. The typical college student (a so-called “Gen Zer”) has been widely reported to be more overconfident, entitled, and demanding than previous generations (largely because of the many damaging aspects of social media).

Humility is now a desired trait that potential employers, college admissions teams, and roommates are looking for. The child who may have been called a “wimp” is now the young adult who is seen as being eager to learn, hard-working, and pleasant to be around. The humility that was once considered a weakness is now considered a strength. Helping your older grandchildren recognize humility as a path toward cultivating dependence on God is a blessing they will be grateful for in the future.

Conclusion

In all these cases, whether talking with grandkids who are starting their adolescent years or those who have just graduated from college, you are blessing your grandchildren with your gifts of time, empathy, and wise counsel. 

Bless your grandchildren by pointing out their gifts and talents and letting them hear you thank God for the many good things you and they have to be thankful for. Also, remind them that blessings can also be the result of painful circumstances and that their lives will always be a blessing to you.