Written by Deb del Villar, Director of Communications
Grace – when you hear that word, what do you picture or think? Maybe you breathe a sigh of relief or drink deeply of the peace that invades your soul, leading you to feel contentment over what Jesus has done for you.
Now add the words Thanksgiving or Christmas – does that picture or thought change abruptly? Do lists with a myriad of tasks flood your once peace-filled mind? Anxiousness permeates your every fiber as you struggle with all these ‘to-do’ lists that rarely get done. Can we live by grace during this hectic, stressful season?
Not to mention the holiday table, where there is no muting or unfollowing of those you do not agree with. You are sitting across the table or room from them. What can you say, think, and do as Christian grandparents?
How can you live out grace before your families? Let’s look at the following verse and glean some thoughts to help us maximize our hope of a faith-filled, grace-filled family gathering.
Grace-Filled Conversations (Colossians 4:6 NLT)
“Let your conversations be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” – Colossians 4:6 NLT
Let Your Conversations
This verse follows verses that speak to being devoted to prayer and conducting yourself with wisdom, all so you can make every opportunity to proclaim the mystery of Christ. This is certainly something we want to do. So, let’s look closely at this verse that is concerned with your speech. What do you allow or let out of your mouth?
Inherent in this phrase is that your speech always contains these characteristics. That is a hefty requirement. So what are these characteristics? First, our speech needs to be gracious and attractive.
Be Gracious and Attractive
Your conversations must always have grace: the traits of being courteous, humble, Christlike. Your speech is to be free from gossip, uncleanness, or bitterness. We lose our effectiveness as Christ’s ambassadors when we are caustic and not courteous.
Next, consider how someone might describe your speech. Would they say it was attractive? So, what makes something attractive? Our speech not only needs to be pleasant but also needs to hold their attention. It needs to appeal to them. Think of the last Gospel conversation you had with your family. Was it interesting and said in a stimulating yet sensitive way? Did it draw them closer to Jesus and you or push them further away from both?
The KJV Bible says it this way: “your speech is to be seasoned with salt.” In other words, it needs to be tasteful, honest, worthwhile, and profitable. Speaking wisely is a mixture of grace and truth with the intent of being helpful, seeking to build your grandchildren up. It is sensible conversation where words are chosen carefully and said clearly so the message is not lost, muddled, or not heard. Respect goes a long way, so take time to listen to what the grandchildren have to say if you want them to listen to you.
As you prepare to get together as a family over the holidays, spend time praying that your speech will be gracious and attractive. Now, once you have them listening, take the opportunity to tell them some of your faith journey.
Make Good Use of Every Opportunity
Your conversations need to be gracious and appealing so you can make good use of every opportunity to share your faith. Getting to know your grandchildren as individuals will allow you to know best how to respond to their questions and doubts. It will give you insight into how to adapt the message to their situation.
Speaking appropriately or giving the right answer to everyone is a big challenge, but God instructs us that it is possible. As we speak with grace in an attractive way, we will have the right response.
Let’s look a little deeper into how to have grace-filled speech, attitudes, and behavior.
Grace-Filled Speech (Ephesians 4:29)
We are called to build up and not tear down using words that are gracious, kind, gentle, and helpful. My grandma always said, “Think before you speak. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.” These statements are still good advice today.
Obviously, there are times when we must use our words to correct. Yet the way we say them, as well as the word choice, can go a long way toward acceptance or rejection. Even if our words are true and helpful, consider if this is the best time and place to voice them. If the time and place are not right, allow the Holy Spirit to lead you to the best when and where so your words will be heard and considered.
God empowers us with the grace to help in times of need (Hebrews 4:16). Maybe the holiday table surrounded by family is not the best time and place. Difficult discussions can be undertaken at holidays, but they must be done like followers of Jesus (Colossians 4:6). Pray and ask God to give you wisdom for timing, location, and words.
The holiday dinner conversations can be wonderful opportunities to display and share the hope of the gospel. There is so much brokenness, hurt, and pain, but there is a Savior who knows, cares, and desires to help. Ask God to help your conversations lead others to Him and not away. May you find opportunities to share the hope you have in Jesus as well as His faithfulness throughout your life.
Even if your family is not experiencing difficult times right now, this is a great occasion to share God’s blessings, leading to a time of worship and praise. Be sure to share and rejoice in the blessing of His coming and offered salvation.
Family gatherings can be surrounded by squabbles and tensions, yet God can show and shower His grace through you. Quickly ask for forgiveness or accept another’s apology if this is needed. We have received grace upon grace from Jesus; therefore, may we share it with others. Extending grace to another can go a long way to repairing and restoring a relationship. God calls us to a ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:17-20). Remember to attend to your heart first, your attitude.
Grace-Filled Attitude (1 Peter 1:13)
As we contemplate how to share grace with others this holiday season, start with yourself. Grace speaks to our spirit, telling us we are forgiven and are not under condemnation and guilt any longer. If the ‘to-do’ lists do not get done, do not stumble under the weight of guilt and condemnation.
Be alert to your expectations for this season, and reflect on whether they are based in reality or fantasy. Do you expect too much of yourself and others? Consider setting boundaries on what you can accomplish with the resources of energy, time, and money you have available.
One of the best things you can do is say “no, thank you” which leaves room for the yeses that are near and dear to your heart. Pray and ask God to help you accomplish those things that must be done, trusting Him to answer your prayer.
Leave margins around your day, allowing room to experience the wonder and awe of the season. Do not neglect your time with the Lord in all the hustle and bustle of this time. Take time for yourself, choosing rest over stress. Slow down and enjoy The Reason for the season along with one another. As you embrace the grace needed for yourself and others, may you be an example of a grace-filled attitude to your grandchildren. This attitude will naturally permeate your conversations and interactions.
Grace-Filled Behavior (2 Corinthians 2:12)
God is not only concerned with our conversation and our attitude, but also our behavior. We display God’s grace (His goodness) by applying our gifts in the service of others. Think the acronym JOY: Jesus, Others, Yourself. Seek to be like Jesus as you serve others.
God calls us to serve one another as good stewards of God’s varied grace. (1 Peter 1:10) Look for a service project you can do with your grandchildren over the holidays. We have helped together at a mobile food pantry as well as with purchasing and collecting items for various Christian ministries.
Observe those around you, whether it’s a stressed or exhausted store clerk or a child overstimulated by decorations and the busy schedule. Show empathy, giving them grace. Remember, grace is giving us what we do not deserve. God lavishly showed and showered His grace upon us, so shame on us when we do not do the same.
This holiday season, may you have ample chances to show and shower others with grace. Your grandchildren will see how you respond and take note. Who knows – maybe God will use it as a launching pad to share your testimony.
The holiday season affords many moments to show and tell your grandchildren about what it means to have grace-filled behavior. Teach them to be attentive to the needs of others and help where they can. 2 Corinthians 2:8 teaches us that God is able to make all grace abound in us and through our every good work. God is the supplier of grace, and He will give us what we need (2 Corinthians 2:9).
Grandparent, how are you doing?
Look Upward – for God’s strength and the Holy Spirit’s power to have grace-filled and motivated speech. May your speech be gracious and appealing. May God give you opportunities to share His love this season and beyond.
Look Inward – how’s your attitude? Your attitude of the season should be fueled by the reason for the season – God sending His Son, extending grace to us. Why not let God’s grace fuel your attitude throughout the year?
Look Outward – to the needs of others. God continually shows us grace when we need it most. May we show it to others! How can you express your grace-filled behavior this season and beyond?
As you consider all that is going on this holiday season, remember it is your presence over your presents that will make the longest lasting impression. Therefore, be present at the holiday gatherings not just in person but truly present, available, listening intently, taking an interest in each person who is there.
Draw others into conversations and find out how they are doing and what they are doing. As an intentional Christian grandparent, use these special times to let your family know how much they mean to you as well as how much Jesus means to you. Remember Colossians 4:6, “Let your conversations be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.”
God saves us by His grace, giving us grace to continue each day living by grace and testifying to His grace. This holiday season, may you embody God’s grace so others experience and claim it as their own. May God’s grace overflow from you to them.
Grace-filled holidays – reality or fantasy? May it be a reality for you this holiday season. In fact, may your holiday season result in a grace-multiplied holiday! Now may “the grace of the Lord Jesus be with you all.” (Revelation 22:21)
