Show or Tell? Guidelines for Instilling Biblical Values in Your Grandchildren

Written by Dr. Joannie DeBrito, Family Support Specialist

While I don’t usually like it when Christianity is commercialized through clever advertising campaigns, there is one catchy phrase that I do like. You know it as WWJD: “What Would Jesus Do?” I like it because of one word, the last word- DO.

Throughout the New Testament and particularly in Matthew 5-7, referred to as the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us many things about how we should live as His followers. While His instructions to us are important, I think they become clearer when we focus on what Jesus did in His ministry.

I learn more from examining how He interacted with and responded to people, as well as how He lived in honor of His Father and communion with the Holy Spirit, than I learn from reading His instructions. We know that children also tend to learn more from what they observe than from what they are told.

Therefore, if we are committed to instilling biblical values in our grandchildren, they are most likely to learn from us if we model those values, practice what we preach, show them the benefits of living according to those values, and are honest when we don’t. I can tell my grandchildren to live with grace and truth, pray, read the Bible regularly, serve others well, give with gratitude, seek forgiveness and forgive others, and live with humility, but that won’t make sense to them unless they see me DOING those things.

Model

As grandparents, you will be able to instill biblical values in your grandchildren if you put your faith into action, allowing your grandsons and granddaughters to see how living by those values can enrich their lives. It starts with evaluating yourselves and thinking about the things you do every day that demonstrate Biblical values.

Are there any that you might need to improve on? We’re never too old to change and grow! Also, if you’re like me, you need to be prepared regularly to admit when you’ve not been the best example. Ask your grandchild(ren) to forgive you and show them how to be better. Thus, they not only see a better way to live but also learn to ask for forgiveness from your example. You SHOW them how to honor God in their lives.

Below are some specific examples to start with that I consider foundational values that affect all the other Biblical values.

1. Prayer

Praying to the triune God allows us to thank God, worship God, humble ourselves through repentance, ask for forgiveness, hear from the Holy Spirit, and more. Pray often with your grandchildren and tell them when you have been praying for them.

Let them hear you have a conversation with God that may include praise, thanksgiving, questions, and requests. You can ask for forgiveness about things they can understand in age-appropriate language, of course, thus demonstrating confession.

2. Reading the Bible

Have your Bible readily available in case it might be helpful in a conversation with a grandchild. When a child sees a Bible on a table, they may ask why it is there and who it belongs to. You can talk about reading it and then pick it up and read a story that you think might be interesting to your grandchild. Over time, you can refer to the Bible when your grandchild has questions that may relate to a compelling story in the Bible.

In my home, we have a Children’s Bible, and my grandchildren often take turns reading Bible stories. Then I follow up by asking them what they learned. Sometimes they can articulate the moral or truth of the story, but more often, the comment is something like, “I don’t want to ever be stuck in a big boat in a storm with a bunch of smelly animals.” The substance of the answer is not as important as the experience that allows them to see that the Bible has a lot of interesting stories.

Additionally, the Bible is a resource for them to learn more about why the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are important in their lives.

3. Cultivating Biblical Values of Character

Would you rather be around people who are mean, grumpy, impatient, highly stressed, and impulsive? Or would you rather be around people who are loving, joyful, patient, calm, and under control? That answer is obvious, and as our grandchildren see us demonstrate love, joy, kindness, patience, peace, and self-control in our lives, they learn to respond in the same way.

Most importantly, when you face the inevitable disappointments, trials, crises, and tragedies of life, you have a choice to respond with anger, bitterness, and self-pity or acceptance, joy, perseverance, and even gratitude. We learn in Romans 5 that our troubles in this life produce patience, character, and hope.

My personal experience with navigating the painful events of my life has taught me that walking through the pain has also increased my dependence on God. We can show our grandchildren that we are in pain, but we choose to trust God to help us through. We can be in pain AND still have joy that comes from the Holy Spirit. This will teach them two important lessons: pain is a part of every person’s life, and we can choose how to respond to the pain.

Often, we can look back at painful parts of our lives with gratitude, recognizing that the pain produced something better in our lives, for which we are grateful. Talk with older grandchildren about the positive change and resulting gratitude that came because of patiently trusting the Lord. This can provide a healthy example of how they might think about a current or future difficulty. On the other hand, if nothing good is seen yet, as is often the case, we can show our grandchildren how we faithfully wait for an eternal home that is pain-free, while holding on to His promises that all things work together for good.

4. Grace and Truth

Throughout the New Testament, Jesus’s ministry is described as one characterized by grace and truth. In our relationships with our grandchildren, we need to model both.

It’s important to note that when Jesus encountered a person who had sinned in some way, Jesus led with grace by showing empathy and compassion and followed with truth. There are so many opportunities to do this same thing with and for our grandchildren, especially when there is a legitimate need for some loving discipline.

Let’s say, for example, that you catch your 15-year-old granddaughter stealing some money from your wallet. Obviously, this needs to be confronted. Here we may wonder WWJD? Keeping that in mind, I would first ask her why she thought it was ok for her to steal from me. I might then empathize with her and tell her about a time that I did something similar and how I felt about myself after I did it. Then I would come up with a consequence that was related to the offense, such as having her do something for me to earn enough money to pay me back the amount she stole. Finally, I would communicate to her that I have forgiven her and show that by not bringing up the offense in the future.

5. Generously Serving

The Biblical principle of humility is seen in a person’s willingness to put others before themself and generously serve people in a variety of ways. Participating in service projects with your grandchildren is an excellent way to help them develop humility as they learn about the many needs that exist around them and feel the joy and fulfillment that comes from the opportunity to serve others.

As I have supervised kids doing service projects and debriefed with them afterward, I have seen tears of remorse as they have recognized selfishness in themselves. This experience has been witnessed on more than one occasion. I’ve seen them rally together to find other ways to help people less fortunate than themselves. I have also seen many kids tirelessly volunteer at church to keep services and events running smoothly. They talk about feeling exhilarated and exhausted at the same time.

My own grandchildren once helped clean up the yard of a family in our neighborhood. They needed help because both parents were coping with significant illnesses, and their son was developmentally disabled. The kindness and gratitude this family showed after their yard was cleaned up made such an impression on my grandchildren that they often reference that when they pass that house while out on a bike ride. I saw the family’s response as a significant step in developing humility in my grandchildren. As my grandson put it, “Their problems were bigger than mine, Nana, but they were still so thankful. I want to be joyful if that happens to me, not grumpy.”

It Comes Down to This

Create a safe environment where you and your grandchild(ren) can talk openly about the Biblical principles we are all called to follow. There’s nothing wrong with talking. However, we know that children learn more from what we model and do than from what we say.

So take the time to think about how you can demonstrate obedience to God in your everyday lives. Frame your actions around what Jesus would do.