Learning Your Grandchildren’s Love Languages (Part 2)

Written by Dr. Joannie DeBrito, Family Support Specialist

In Part 1 of this article, we covered the first two love languages of words of affirmation and quality time from Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” (available in our online store here).

Love languages are a way that individuals feel most loved. In this post, we’ll discuss the final three love languages of receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Keep your children and grandchildren in mind as you read each description. Knowing their love language will help you interact with them in a more impactful way!

Receiving Gifts

Often people misjudge a child who feels most loved when receiving gifts as selfish. This is unfair as you will find that if this is one of your grandchild’s main love languages, he or she will be giving you little gifts on a regular basis.

Those gifts are rarely items that have been purchased in a store. Instead, you will find a special stone that has been placed in your pocket, a picture created just for you, or some dandelions on your table presented to you as gifts from your grandchild.

These children have difficulty giving things away that they have received as gifts because there are good memories tied to them. So, you can show that you love them by giving them gifts that don’t need to be purchased or new. You might offer as a gift, a memento that has been special to you, a framed picture you have colored for them, or something made out of lumber scraps in the garage.

For older grandchildren, give gifts that will benefit them in the long term. Some suggestions are hands-on lessons that will help them develop skills, handed-down pieces of furniture and appliances, or, if you can afford it, money to purchase a computer or other resources that will help them in college or as they start a career.

Acts of Service

Do you have a grandchild who seems to delight in doing things for family members? Maybe this child actually likes to do chores and finds joy in seeing other people respond positively to his or her gestures of help.

When a grandchild helps you in some way and then asks if you liked it, you can be pretty sure that acts of service is a primary or secondary love language. Therefore, he or she is most likely to feel loved by you when you are doing the serving.

One act of service is to take the time to teach your grandchild how to do new things, thus serving him or her as a teacher but not feeling as if you have just become your grandchild’s servant.

Children for whom acts of service is a main love language will enjoy participating in service projects and mission trips as they get older, so you can invite them to participate in special acts of service that you might be involved in. As we all find out, when we serve others, we end up being served in many ways.

Acts of service tend to be more appreciated as grandchildren get older, so help an older grandson move into his first, second, and fifth apartment or volunteer to drive cross country with him as he takes on a new job in a new city. If you like to cook and entertain, offer to host a shower for a granddaughter who is getting married or having a baby.

Physical Touch

Maybe you notice that a young toddler always wants to touch your face, play with your hair, or touch your lips when you are talking. Or, maybe the only thing that will soothe that grandchild is a hug or cuddling. As that grandchild develops, he or she may tackle you with hugs when you come through the door or frequently say “Grammy, will you tickle and rub my back?” This is likely a child who feels deeply loved when he or she experiences physical touch.

If this is the case with your grandchild, express your love through gentle caresses, hugs, kisses, and lots of snuggling, sometimes with a blanket that wraps the two of you up together. As these grandchildren begin to get into the preteen years, you will likely need to modify the ways you incorporate physical touch with them such as giving side hugs, high fives, neck and shoulder massages, and sitting next to them on a couch, each of you wrapped in your own blanket.

This is a great way to teach them about personal boundaries around their physical bodies as they get older. Let them tell you what feels comfortable to them in regard to physical touch. As they get into their early adult years and are fully confident in their ability to manage their personal physical boundaries, they may come back around and request some of those earlier ways of connecting physically.

Conclusion

Figuring out the primary and secondary love languages of your grandchildren will help you know how to interact with them in a way that allows them to feel deeply loved by you.

So, be a detective, watch, observe, and learn. Then, try responding to them in some of the ways I have suggested, and I think you will find that doing so will strengthen your relationship with them.