I recently received an email from a grandmother who asked me to pray with her because she was estranged from her granddaughter. Her heart was broken, and she was having a very difficult time dealing with the situation–not an uncommon experience for many grandparents today.
In the mid-life of our lives, it’s perfectly normal to look forward to becoming grandparents. There are few things more exciting than the birth of our first grandchild. In fact, the birth of every grandchild is an amazing and joyous moment. Unfortunately, there are also many grandparents with broken hearts because they are estranged from their children and grandchildren.
Negative emotions are one of the consequences of being estranged from your grandchildren. Sorting out those feelings and developing an approach for dealing with them is vital for your health, both mental and physical. On the one hand, anguish is a constant companion when you find yourself estranged from those precious grandchildren you love so deeply. On the other hand, you are better able to understand a tiny bit of what our Heavenly Father feels about all those who are separated from Him.
However, God is still answering prayers, even if it is not on our timetable. So, we ask God for patience to wait until He is ready to answer. Sometimes we have to wait in His waiting room while He is working in the hearts of our grandchildren and their parents. God’s timing is always best. Do you believe that?
I have found the passage in Romans 8:26-28 very helpful when I don’t know how to pray for my grandchildren and their parents. Paul writes, “The Holy Spirit makes intercession for us when we don’t know how to pray.” When I ask the Holy Spirit to make intercession for me according to God’s will, it keeps me from telling God how to answer my prayer, which I am prone to do. Ask the Holy Spirit to make intercession for your estrangement, and let Him carry the burden instead of you. Let go of your agenda and ask Him to show you His.
Here are two suggestions for estranged grandparents:
- Don’t give up. Keep trying to gently stay in touch. Send cards and letters to your grandchildren keeping the tone of any communication loving, but light.
- Pray intentionally and regularly for your grandchildren and their parents. If you don’t know how to pray for them, I invite you to sign up for my weekly prayer blog. When you sign up I will send you 31 Scriptures to Pray for your Grandchildren which you may download and print for free.
Prayer
Dear Father, I pray You will give estranged grandparents wisdom to know how to face their separation from their grandchildren. I pray Your Holy Spirit will make intercession for them trusting You to carry out Your agenda in Your timing for their healing. Encourage them and give them peace as they intentionally pray and patiently wait for the parents to allow them to be a part of their lives again.
In Jesus’ name. Amen
22 thoughts on “Are You Estranged from Your Grandchildren?”
I haven’t seen my adult grandson for almost two years and only heard his voice once. I have tried to contact him but he won’t respond. I am going crazy. My heart is broken and nothing I have attempted has resulted in communication.
I feel so helpless and useless as a human being, I love the Lord but am having trouble accepting my grandson has gone out of my life. I miss him terribly. At least the boy I once knew. He is my only grandchild.
My daughter is holding my grandchildren against me its going on four years, My 18 year old grandson said he no longer considers me a grandparent, and my 17 year old granddaughter has mentioned to me that I blew it as a grandparent, and my youngest who is now 13 was told that I had passed away. I helped raise these children who lived with me for 3 years while their parents were unemployed I help put a roof over their heads and cloths on their backs and food on their table, while my daughter in return pick up something against me and has decided that I am no longer welcome to mingle with her family. I really need prayers especially during the holidays. I cant stop from crying and the depression is overwhelming
Vida, I hope this is better, now. My daughter has been doing the same thing for about 10 months now. Her and my grandsons lived with me for 8 years – most of the youngest’s life. They are 12 and 10. She does not want me to even know her baby who is now 1. I can certainly feel for you. I think the best thing we can do is pray for them… know the enemy is truly at work, but will not win. I text them every week or two… and text my daughter every now and then and ask if I can see them. It’s usually “no”, but yesterday she said they could spend next weekend with me. If she follows through with that, I will see… I have a friend whose daughter has been doing the same thing for the past 4 or 5 years. They say they are followers of Christ, and I do not understand it – other than we are not fighting flesh and blood… praying for you and them.
Where did i go wrong?
Thank you
My heart is lonely for my son
We are sorry for your situation. May God comfort your heart and ease the ache.
Please pray that I will be able to see my great grandchildren . It’s been 2 years . I hired an attorney and they just my 6k . I reached out to the other greatgrandma but no response. Iv prayed n prayed ! My heart is totally shattered a void so deep.
Praying with you Janie. Holidays are an especially hard time to be separated. Even though you cannot see them God can.
Thank you
My heart is lonely for my son
Please help me pray. I’m being kept from my 4 year old granddaughter with whom I shared a very close relationship. I saw her a month ago and she clung to me repeating over and over “I missed you so much”.
My heart is broken for both me and for her. I worry about what this is doing to her. For me it’s pretty much ruined my life. I cannot stop crying and wake up each day wishing I had died in my sleep. Please pray for me. I
Please help me pray. I’m being kept from my 4 year old granddaughter with whom I shared a very close relationship. I saw her a month ago and she clung to me repeating over and over “I missed you so much”.
My heart is broken for both me and for her. I worry about what this is doing to her. For me it’s pretty much ruined my life. I cannot stop crying and wake up each day wishing I had died in my sleep. I pray everyday but I think I need others to pray with me.
Nothing has ever hurt so much.
My grandsons turns 21 this Tuesday. I’m struggling on if I should try & reach out one more time. He lives with our estranged son. It’s been 7 years. I miss them. I’ve forgiven them & myself.
Laura,
Thank you for reaching out. I have sent your heart concern on to Dr. Joannie DeBrito for some advice. If you do not hear back please contact me directly debd@legacycoalition.com. I am praying for you.
Thank you for your encouraging words. May God continue to work in and through you. I am sorry this response is so late. It was just sent on to me. May God mend relationships and restore strong family unit once more.
I just learned about this website and am so grateful for it. The stories in this blog here are very heartbreaking.
My daughter died 15 years ago of cancer and I had a very close relationship with my son-in-law and grandsons who were in
grade school at the time. Eventually my son-in-law remarried and his new wife gradually turned my grandsons away from me. Now as adults, I have found, they have turned on her. I continue to text them and try to call them with no response. I found out in a round-about-way) that the oldest is now engaged. No one called me to let me know. Yes my heart breaks, but I still believe in the words ‘….but God’. He is faithful and I know He is still in the ‘business’ of restoring broken relationships.
Yes He is! Praying for God to work in ways that only He can. May you see reconciliation.
Wow so many broken hearts.
My granddaughter has kept me from seeing my great-granddaughter for 3 years. I have no contact number or address for them. She doesn’t want anything to do with her mom’s family (my daughter) I have been praying that she would seek counseling
My heart aches for you. May God soften hearts and restore relationships.
Please pray that me and my husband may get to see our grandchildren and his children. I have never met them though I have been married to my husband for almost 16 years. There was something that happened back in 2004, and his daughter and step-daughter from a past marriage won’t see him or let us see his children. They are the only grandchildren I have, and step-children, and I very much want to meet them and lead them to Christ if they don’t already know him. Please pray they all come to Christ.
Please pray for me. I’ve been estranged from my son since 2020. I never believed I would have grandchildren so when my grandson was born in 2018, the gift of him was all the more precious. I love him so much but I only got to see him for the first 2 years of his life. Unfortunately, I, along with others, had concerns about his wellbeing and after trying unsuccessfully to discuss the issues with both parents and the maternal grandmother, I contacted social services. I was hated for it ( I can understand that, but my concern was for my grandson). My son has made it clear he wants no contact and that I’m not to buy or do anything for my grandson. He and his partner have since had another child, a girl who was born last September.
My daughter died in 2012 from the effects of cancer treatment. She was 20. Of course, I still mourn the loss of her but I have the comfort of knowing she is with Jesus. The grief I’ve felt from being separated from my grandson has killed something inside of me. I can’t explain it but I know it has changed me. On the other hand, I can see God working in my son’s life – he’s been sober for just over 2 years. I don’t think anyone could have seen that coming! But it gives me hope. There is a God in heaven who works all things together for good to them that love Him and are called according to His purpose.